Breathe Read online

  I stand up and stop my brother pacing the floor, holding his arms while his fists clench up. I see the anger written on his face, I never told him the full story of what happened to me but deep down he knows…. He saw the damage…he heard the screams in the night. I get why he is angry I wouldn’t let him get revenge for me. He wanted Drake to suffer.

  “Justin, I love you more than anything in the world, but I can’t keep letting you put your life on hold for me…. If you won’t put the past to rest how am I meant to?”

  He lets out a hard breath. “I know sis, but I just…”

  I cut him off. “No buts Justin, you have sacrificed too much of your life for me already, it’s time for me to grow up properly this time! And besides, half that club is mine, I will be there tonight working.” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “Even if I do move out, you won’t be rid of me. How else are you going to have that yummy Sunday roast you love so much? Cook it yourself?”

  “Yeah, you’re right... just don’t rush. OK? Take your time to find somewhere and make sure it’s close.”

  “I will Justin and thank you.” I kiss him on the cheek and walk away. “I’m going to take a shower before work.”

  He stands with his arms crossed over his chest, smiling at me while shaking his head.

  The club is alive tonight, music pumping, huge crowd of bodies cram on the dancefloor in front of the live act, I stand behind the bar smiling. Justin is leaning over the bar at the other end talking to some woman, flicking her hair over her shoulder, her cleavage almost jumping onto the bar…I shake my head, what does he see in women like that, well except their tits!

  Throwing the tea towel over my shoulder, I head in back for the clean glasses.

  I enjoy the quiet for a moment, taking my time, I’m sure Justin can handle the customers for a minute.

  My feet are killing from the stupid ballet shoes pinching my toes. I knew I should have stuck to my boots. Leaning on the wall, I rub my aching feet.

  I thought I could push all my worries aside tonight and just enjoy being at work, but it’s still there; buried deep. When I arrived, I made sure the security team knew to check everyone that came in; I know Justin already had them on high alert, but I just wanted to reassure myself more than anything.

  Luckily tonight people are here to see Raven, most are loyal fans or at least loyal female fans that want to shag Jensen! Unlucky for them I know full well that he is gay… but I still find it funny all the female bodies dancing away on the dancefloor in their high skirts and low tops! Jenson gives them a good show, flirts a little and always drags a girl on stage – snogging her face off in front of everyone, but it’s all a front for their ‘image’.

  Don’t get me wrong, I was tempted myself the first couple of times I sang with them; he has something about him that makes your knees weak, his dark curly locks, lip ring and tattoo around his neck, he always wears his black skinny jeans, checked shirt around his waist and biker boots. But when I caught him one night eying my brother up… it kind of deflated the moment.

  “Evvie?” the door swings open and Dec peers his head round it. “You hiding in here?” He has been working behind the bar for us about three months, and he is dating Jenson…but he is good for the female customers to look at, for some reason they love the damaged emo look.

  I balance, putting my shoes back on. “No just grabbing some more glasses.” I pull the tray of clean glasses out the dishwasher and walk to the door.

  “There’s a guy at the bar asking for ya. To be honest, he has been a couple nights asking about you, but I totally forgot to tell ya.” I hand him the tray of glasses with shaking hands.

  “What guy?” I try to peer around him, looking for a familiar face.

  My heart races.

  I step back as my palms begin to sweat, my breathing speeds up – so fast I think I’m going to pass out. My mind flashes back to the other night, him standing in the crowded room, staring at me.

  I panic, grabbing hold of Dec’s arms, almost causing him to drop the tray of glasses. “What does he look like Dec?” My voice shaken, running my hands through my hair, I’m haunted by him, I hold my breath for a moment waiting for him to describe the man from my nightmares…. waiting for him to confirm my worst fear. My heart beats hard against my chest, I can’t go out the back, he might have someone waiting…. at least if I go back to the bar…. I can at least get to Justin…. My mind races.

  “Whoa.” Dec tries to steady the tray. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Just tell me what he looks like for fuck’s sake, Declan!” my reaction panicked…almost frantic. “Seriously hot! Kind of tall, dark, and handsome! Oh, and green eyes…. like fucking bright green.”

  Marcus.

  “Green eyes...?” My breathing calms a little. I sigh, realising it couldn’t be Drake – his pearl blue eyes still haunt me.

  “Yeah green eyes! That’s what I said. Geez what’s with you tonight Evvie you’re so on edge.” He walks out the door with the glasses. Not waiting for my response. Remind me to have a word with him later!

  I take a moment to compose myself. I can’t believe Marcus is here… I told him not to come looking for me.

  Closing my eyes and taking a breath, I push the door open, letting it swing shut behind me. Strong and steady I walk over to the bar where he is leaning. I stand tall, shoulders back and head held high.

  “What can I do for you Marcus?” I ask, my hands still shaking, a little sweaty. I part my lips letting out a slow steady breath keeping my eyes fixed on his. My heart skips a beat at his white t-shirt clinging to his skin, low cut jeans hanging on his hips.

  I love the sharp lines of his jaw, my mind drifts back to seeing him topless- that just out of the shower look is my favourite look. The beads of water dripping off his chest….

  I shake my head – snap out of it Evvie. I tell myself.

  He points to the bottle of Jack sitting on the shelf behind me. “Hold the ice.”

  Silently, I grab a glass and pour him a shot of Jack.

  “Can we talk a minute?” he looks tired, sad even.

  I slide the glass over to him, our fingers touching, just for a moment but enough to stir something up inside. I take a long deep breath, pushing the feeling aside. “We have nothing to talk about Marcus.”

  I’m fighting so hard to keep myself together, when in reality something inside is snapping – screaming at me to drop the act with him. My throat runs dry.

  He slowly takes the glass to his lips, his eyes not leaving mine for a second. Letting the warm liquid run down his throat, he places the glass upside down on the bar. “I think we do.”

  Fuck. Me! That has got to me be the hottest fucking thing I have seen! I feel my cheeks getting hot and redden, my stomach stirs. I signal Justin at the other end of the bar, pointing at my watch for my break, he nods, his eyes pass between Marcus and myself, he rolls his eyes at me.

  I turn back to Marcus. This is going to go down like a fucking storm! “Follow me.”

  He follows my lead into the back room and out the door, into the alley behind, the fresh night air hitting us both as soon as we step out, I stand in front of him, arms across my chest. I don’t know if it’s for warmth or comfort.

  We stand staring at each other for what felt like hours, our eyes not leaving the others. My heartbeat so fast, I thought it was going to jump out and runaway.

  “What do you want Marcus?” I ask him, firmly.

  He takes a step closer to me, almost within touching distance but not quite. “What happened?” his voice deep yet gentle, his eyes blazen to mine, scoring through my heart.

  I can’t help but lick my lip a little at the sound of his voice.

  I look away for a moment; my breathing hitches a little.

  “Look thank you for looking after me and making sure I was ok, but that’s where the hero stuff ends.” I need to keep my distance from him, but his warm hand grabs my arm, holding tight and sending a shiver up my spine. It mak
es my head spin. “Like I said in the note, I’m not looking for anything right now.”

  “Don’t do that.” His tone is almost pleading as he pulls me closer. I can smell the warm liquor on his breath

  I look up into his eyes, my body almost touching his. “Do what?”

  His hand caresses my cheek, brushing the strand of hair behind my ear. “Don’t put the tough girl act on with me…” His breath is warm against my skin; I can feel the deep desire building up from the pit of my stomach. I’ve never felt so much need to be touched, so much intense urge for someone to kiss me. “Don’t brush off the connection we shared as nothing; I know you felt it.”

  Staring into his eyes, I knew it. Just for now I can forget all the shit and let myself enjoy just a piece…. A tiny fragment of happiness, even for just one moment. With one hand still on my cheek, the other slowly curls around my waist, walking me backwards until I’m trapped between the wall and his body.

  “Evvie.” He whispers against my neck, tilting my head, his lips trail down to my collarbone, before working back up to behind my ear.

  My head spins with desire, I feel the need course through my veins, every inch of my body screaming for more of him. His lips stop inches from mine – my heart picks up pace again, banging like a drum hard against my chest.

  I close my eyes for a moment, closing the gap between our lips slowly, seducing him at first, the taste of Jack still lingering on his lips.

  I pull back and drape my arms around his neck, holding tight as we both take a breath. He has a spark in his eye that glistens in the night air, and I fucking swear it makes my heart dance in the clouds.

  He smiles at me. His hands grabbing hold of my hip, his lips crash on mine with so much force I can feel it bruising already, tongue dancing round my mouth – possessing me with its rhythm. My whole body lights up for him.

  He pulls away first; I try to hold on, but I can’t. We both pant with need, yet nothing but silence runs between us. The still of the night coursing through my veins.

  I want to say so much but can’t find the words.

  The only thing I want is him.

  It’s an extraordinary feeling – you can look someone deep in the eyes and say everything that you need to say.

  He cups my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumb, the smile beautifully unfamiliar. He lifts my chin up and I look into his perfect green eyes through my lashes.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this Marcus,” I sigh looking away.

  He turns my chin to look at him again. “What exactly shouldn’t we be doing Evvie?” His tone changes at my name… it sends shivers down my spine. I love the sound of my name on his lips.

  I break myself from his trance. I don’t know how, but I managed to bring myself back to reality for a moment. “We shouldn’t be starting something.” I trail off, trying to release his hold on me, both physically and emotionally.

  “And why not?”

  “Because….” I can’t…. I can’t think of a single reason right now not to. My new sense of freedom and ownership of my own life has given me no reason not to – I know deep down the danger is real and could be lurking in any darkness. I realise I’m rambling in my own head while he stands and gazes at me.

  “Give me one single reason why you can’t, and I’ll walk away.” His hand caresses my cheek, dancing like soft feathers on my skin. I lean into his touch, welcoming it.

  After a long silence, he clears his throat. “You can’t think of one can you?” he teases me with a cheeky smile.

  “I’m working.” It’s all I can think of. I begin to panic as I check my watch and realise my break should have finished by now. Justin will be looking for me worriedly.

  I begin to walk towards the door, my hand on the handle, but he stops me, pulling me back into his hold. “I really should go.” I stare up to his eyes, smiling.

  It isn’t an excuse. I really do need to get back inside; as much as I want to stay in his warm, strong arms. Keeping me safe.

  “Later then? After you finish.” He lets go of my hand, his eyes almost pleading with me.

  I know I shouldn’t start something here, but I want to…. there is something between us, I felt it the first time his lips touched mine, and now I’ve felt them fully, I want more…. So much more.

  I pull the door open and hold out my hand for his, something about holding his hand makes my chest ache. Looking over my shoulder I smile at him. Four days ago, he took my hand and led me out of my fear, for a moment I felt safe with him.

  “I get off soon, I’ll swing it with my brother to finish early.” I shoot him a smile as we enter the bar.

  I watch as he pulls up a stool, leaning on the bar with his elbows. I grab him a beer out of the fridge and slide it across to him. Giving him a wink, I can’t take the smile off my face. He looks down at the beer before slowly raising it to his lips. Fuck, this guy is stirring me up inside.

  “Justin is looking for you.” Dec nudges me, shaking me from my distraction.

  I roll my eyes at him. “Where is he?” I throw my towel on the bar.

  “Office.” He holds up his hands in defence. “Something about how you are meant to be working….”

  “For fuck's sake!” I let out a sigh. Making my way around the bar, I stop where Marcus is sitting, placing my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute.” I lean in and whisper in his ear.

  He just gives me a smile.

  I squeeze through the bodies on the dancefloor making my way to the office door, tapping I push the door open.

  “Hey Justin, Dec said you wanted me.” I slam the door shut behind me, standing with my arms across my chest. “He says you’re pissed with me?”

  He’s sitting with a bunch of paperwork in front of his face, ignoring me for a moment.

  I let out a sigh…hoping to catch his attention.

  “Sorry, sis. I’m just trying to make sense of the rota, since this weekend it’s all messed up.”

  “Want me to take a look?” I unfold my arms and walk over to the desk.

  “No, it’s ok.” He puts the papers down. Leaning back in his chair, he pulls his hands up above his head. “Who’s the guy?”

  “Don’t do that Justin! You’re not my boss, remember? Nor my dad!” I roll my eyes at him. “We already had this discussion.”

  “Hey, I was only asking.” He holds his hands up in the air, raising his eyebrow at me. “I was actually looking for you to see if you could work tomorrow. Dec wants the night off and he…well he did work extra over the weekend…”

  I step back a little, expecting the whole big brother speech. “Oh ok… yea, that’s fine.”

  I stand for a moment, picking at my fingernail. A smirk crosses his face. “What is it, Evvie?”

  Why is it my brother knows every goddamn thing about me?

  “Well, seeing as I’m working tomorrow…can I finish early tonight?” I ask him sheepishly.

  He leans forward in his chair, smiling at me. “Yea, I suppose so.”

  I exhale a deep breath and turn to leave.

  “But Evvie…” he shouts just as my hand curls around the handle. “Please keep the noise down when I get home.”

  I died!

  My brother is an absolute embarrassment.

  Swinging the door open, I turn back round to him, scowling. “Shut the fuck up, dick!”

  “Love you too sis.” He laughs as I slam the door behind me. Storming through the crowd, I make my way back to Marcus.

  My cheeks are still red from Justin’s remark. Grabbing my bag from behind the door, I give a wave to Dec and grab hold of Marcus’ hand – no words, just motion. I have no idea what I’m doing or how tonight will go. Everything that scares me is pushed aside – I want to be reckless, even just for one night. The only problem is I have a feeling that I won’t be able to walk away… once you have a taste of what you want, can you give it up?

  We run as fast as we can out of the club and into the streets, instantly hit with the rai
n.

  The flat isn’t far away, within walking distance, and the cool rain on my skin feels like heaven.

  I stop dead in my tracks for a moment, spinning myself round to face Marcus. My lips crash on his, both my hands on the side of his face. My eyes hazy from the rain and the moment, butterflies dance around in my stomach.

  We both stand in silence, rain dripping between us. My hair is soaking wet; then again, looking down so are our clothes. But I really don’t care.

  Something about hard rain on a cold night, the moon hiding behind the black clouds till the rain stops. It kind of sets you free. Nothing seems to matter when the sky is open that way.

  I turn back to look up at Marcus, smiling.

  “What are you smiling at?” He leans down, pulling my wet hair off my face.

  I take his hand in mine, entwining my fingers in his, there’s that feeling again…that feeling of pure bliss. “Nothing,” I answer simply and start walking home again.

  Finally, in the flat, we both stand in the hall soaking wet. I run in the bathroom grabbing us both a towel. “Maybe we should have gotten a taxi.” I laugh. “Hang on, I’ll grab you something to change into.”

  I start to walk away, but his hand grabs mine, gently pulling. There is no escaping. Not that I want to, anyway. I’m not ready to hold back. Not now.

  “What are we doing Evvie?” His gaze meets mine and I lean into his soft, gentle hand caressing my cheek, now such a familiar touch. I welcome it.

  “What do you want to do?” I kiss along his jawline, making my way to his ear. “What do you want to do, Marcus?” I ask again, this time it comes out a whisper in his ear and I can feel his back tense.

  “With you? Everything…” his words come out raspy.

  I stop, looking at him. My hand moves to the back of his neck, pulling his lips to meet mine. His tongue dances around my mouth, seducing mine. I lean back as his lips tenderly kiss my neck. Setting my whole body on fire.