Breathe Page 6

  He glares at me through gritted teeth. “I told you time and time again to stay the fuck out of my business. And do you ever listen? No!” He snaps at me, dragging me up the winding staircase to the dark unlit landing. “I’ll never understand why you try to so hard to piss me off, Evvie.” We come to a halt at the end door. I try to wriggle from his hold, digging my heels into the deep red runner but it was no use, he was so much stronger than me. I was a weak, pathetic little girl.

  He digs the key out of his pocket and turns it in the door. It creaks as it swings open.

  “Please don’t Drake…. I don’t want to go in there… please don’t make me…” I plead with him, begging on my knees… tears streaming down my face.

  “Too late for sorry’ s now you stupid girl. You should have thought about that when you embarrassed me in front of my friend, refusing to go where I tell you to.” He grabs my arms once more, pulling me to my feet, pushing me hard through the door. I fall to the cold hard floor, taking one last look at him before he slams the door shut on me.

  “I suggest you take some time to think about how a proper girlfriend should act, don’t you?” he snarls through the door at me, leaving me alone.

  I pound my hands against the door. “No Drake, please! Please don’t leave me in here!” I scream out for him but nothing, only darkness in this cold empty room. I drop to the hard floor, pulling my knees close to my chest, the heat from my body the only warmth I’ll get until he lets me out.

  No windows to let the warm sun in, no blanket to curl around me for comfort…. just dark, cold emptiness with a bare cold floor to fall asleep on.

  “Evvie!” Warms hands rest on my cheeks. “Evvie wake up.” His thumb caresses the side of my face.

  I open my eyes slowly, instantly gazing on him, a worried look written all over his face. My head hurts from my dream. Rubbing my temple, I sit myself up a little in the bed. Trying to focus.

  “Are you ok?” he gingerly asks me. “You were crying out in your sleep.”

  I nod my head at him. “Yeah, sorry bad dream.” I check my phone for the time.

  “That sounded like more than just a dream, Evvie….” He sits up in the bed, sheets tangled around him.

  Swinging my legs over the bed to stand, he grabs my arm. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

  I dig deep for the fakest smile I can muster. “Yes, I’m fine, I just need a coffee. You want one?”

  Rubbing my face, I walk over to the door waiting for his answer.

  He stands up, adjusting his boxers and smiles at me as he pulls his jeans up off the floor and puts them on. The sight of him makes my lips dry as I remember last night. Licking my lips, I stare at him walking slowly over to me. He stops in front of me, my hand still on the door handle as he grabs my vest top, pulling me closer to him. Lips on mine, slowly…caring.

  He pulls away, smiling. “Coffee sounds amazing right now.”

  I laugh, pulling the door open. He follows my lead into the living room, where Justin sits on the sofa, knee up while the other leg stretches out. His head spins in our direction and I suddenly feel like a schoolkid about to get in trouble. I look over my shoulder to Marcus who looks a little nervous, which surprises me a little considering he is so confident.

  “Ignore my brother, he thinks he’s in charge around here.” I nudge Marcus in the chest gently.

  “Justin, this is Marcus.” I signal between the two. “Marcus, this is my big brother Justin, also the co-owner of the Crow Club, you have taken a shine to.”

  Justin holds out his hand for Marcus. “Nice to meet you, Marcus. And I think I owe you a thank you for the other night?”

  I roll my eyes and make my way over to the kitchen counter, good job this place is so tiny that the living and kitchen space is all open plan.

  “It was no trouble; I was just in the right place at the right time.” Marcus brushes it off. We both know it was more than that, but I just smile, grabbing three cups from the cupboard.

  Marcus sits down on the chair while my brother quizzes him. He looks over in my direction every couple of minutes, but I just stand back laughing to myself.

  “Ok Justin, leave him alone.” I hand him a cup of coffee, scoffing at him.

  “Spoilsport.” He glares at me and Marcus laughs.

  “So, you actually chose to swim with sharks? That’s fucking brutal man!” My brother ignores my warning and continues to grill him.

  “Well, I got to live in Cuba for a couple years and then travelled to Australia, South Africa and a bunch of other places. Swam in the bluest oceans you can imagine.”

  Justin holds his hands up in the air. “Ok I get the appeal, actually.” He laughs, admitting his defeat. “So, what do you do now?”

  I sit on the arm of the chair where Marcus sits, holding my cup close to my lips as his hand rests on the small of my back. It’s such a normal gesture, so tender.

  “I work at the Sea Life Centre.”

  “No way! So, you still work with sharks, I guess?”

  Marcus nods and I sense he feels a little proud of himself.

  “That’s a pretty cool fucking job, I gotta say.” Now my brother is his biggest fan – fan fucking tastic!

  “Justin, don’t you have paperwork you need to get done? Work to do. Anything but be here?” I glare at him. He knows he’s annoying me; he’s doing it on purpose.

  He stands up from the sofa sharply. “Fine, I’ll go to my room!” He stomps his feet against the hardwood floors, acting like a fucking child.

  “Justin!” I scold him.

  He stands at the doorway laughing to himself – thinks he is a fucking comedian now too. “Sorry sis.” He pouts at me. “I’ll behave.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Don’t forget you’re working tonight.” He waves walking down the hall, slamming his door shut behind him.

  “I’m so sorry about him, he can be an idiot sometimes.” I hold my head in my hands.

  Marcus gently pulls my hands away, pressing his lips against my palm. “Don’t be sorry.”

  We awkwardly sit in silence for a moment, I have no idea what we are meant to do from here…I want to ask…. I almost do. I hold my breath before backing out, it’s like the morning after a one-night stand, I almost giggle out loud.

  I gather the empty cups now sitting on the coffee table and carry them into the kitchen, humming to myself as I wash them in the sink.

  “Evvie.” His words come out soft. He leans his back against the counter so he is facing me, arms crossed over his chest. “Where do we go from here?”

  I stop for a moment, looking deep into the bubble filled water. Grabbing the towel off the side, I dry my hands slowly, taking a deep breath while looking down at the floor.

  “I have no idea, Marcus.” I begin to panic, my heartbeat speeds up a notch, worried I said something wrong. Did my dream freak him out? Was it what I told him last night?

  He must sense my sudden insecurity; he grabs my hand pulling me in front of him, his hand rest on my hips as he leans his forehead on mine. “Why are you worrying Evvie?”

  How the hell does he know every single emotion I feel before I have time to realize myself? “I really don’t know. I’ve never been here before…” I make myself sound so inexperienced and immature.

  He smiles at me. “Let’s just take it day by day.”

  Day by day, I can do that. Easy. “Sounds good to me.”

  “I really don’t want to run out on you, but I need a shower, and I gotta work this afternoon.” His face slightly saddened.

  “Do you have to leave right now?” I wrap my arms around his neck, closing the gap between us. “You can jump in the shower here and I’ll make us some breakfast?”

  His lips graze along my neck, the feeling tingling my skin. He pulls away for a moment. “Breakfast sounds perfect, I’ve got a couple hours before I need to go work, anyway.”

  I stand and watch him walk down the hall, turning my attention back to the fridge when I hear the wat
er running. Making us both a fresh coffee and buttering the pastries I picked up yesterday, I set them out on the table. I hear the shower stop running and watch as he walks back in the room. I sit watching him, now fully dressing, complete with top and shoes. Something about him barefoot was just sexy.

  He stops and stands, examining the photos that hang on the wall. I sigh at the missing years on the wall, the pictures of Justin with my parents. You can follow the pictures like a timeline, happy family, sad missing piece, broken family…disconnected… lost.

  It saddens me deeply that I don’t ever think I will be able to repair what I did to my family. I don’t think my parents will ever forgive the horrible things I said to them, the sleepless nights they worried over me and searched for me. Justin has tried reassuring me, but I know deep down I broke my family in two and I can’t ever fix it.

  My breathing hitches at the pain.

  “Nowhere near as beautiful as your wall of open sea, beautiful sharks…” I say to him, remembering how breath-taking it was.

  “I don’t know Evvie, this smile right here is worth a million miles of open sea.” He points to the picture of me and Justin at the beach, our last family holiday all together. It was the summer before everything changed. I was so happy and carefree, my hair was dark blonde back then, the red came later on.

  I smile at the memory; I dug the biggest hole you had ever seen and buried Justin in it. I sat laughing for ages at him, just his head sitting on top of the sand.

  “Yeah, well, that was a long time ago.” I give him a little smile.

  “Well, at least you have those memories to look back on, Evvie. Notice what was missing on my wall of memories?”

  I think back, closing my eyes for a moment, picturing the photos one by one.

  “Family memories…” he speaks for me. “I spent so much of my time chasing my dreams, I missed out on the small stuff. My younger brother now lives in New York, we barely speak to each other, my parents brought us up to be a future focused family, striving to achieve.”

  He walks away from the wall, a little saddened.

  I want to know more, I can see he is hiding something, but then again, we both are. Maybe in time we can both open up to each other. I study him. His hands clenched together; tight, like he is fighting back inner anger. I get the feeling I’m just as much a distraction to him as he is to me.

  He looks over to me, still watching him, and I smile. “What are you smiling at, Evvie?” he questions, walking towards me.

  “Just this.” I signal between us. “This normality, breakfast…. Smiling…. I like it.” I pause, looking away for a moment as he takes a seat at the table next to me. “I like you,” I blurt out, regretting how childish I sound instantly.

  He laughs at my embarrassing admission. I barely know the guy sitting next to me, except for the fact he is kind and caring, mind-blowingly gorgeous and fucking amazing in bed. Did I just say that?

  “I like you too, Evvie.” He places his hand on mine.

  We both look at each other, laughing. I shake my head.

  I pick up my croissant, picking small pieces off and eating. I wish I could bottle this moment and keep it, afraid that once I’m alone, the feeling of happiness will fade to black.

  So many questions linger in the air. We have spent almost every day together for the past week; I haven’t given myself time to even think. Pushing all my worries aside, I jumped in the deep end with him feet first. Like a rollercoaster of emotion hit me from every direction with him. The moment his eyes met mine at the bar, I knew I couldn’t hold back from him. For some reason I couldn’t fight the burning feeling deep in my stomach. It didn’t matter I barely knew him, or that I was hidden away out of sight from danger. What mattered was the feeling of his touch on my skin. I sit on the sofa smiling to myself thinking about our nights together; I wasn’t embarrassed by his touch, or the way he made my body feel. He took me to a high I have only ever dreamed of.

  We capture every moment we can together; he waits for me the nights I work, spending most of his time at my place. Holding hands in the park together, sitting watching the sunset together on his balcony, it all feels normal…. Perfect.

  I trusted Marcus, telling him that little piece of my past – I knew I could tell him everything and it wouldn’t matter, I knew he wouldn’t look at me any different.

  How is it this easy to feel that way about someone?

  Whatever we have right now, I’m going to make the most of it…. while I have it.

  “Are you listening to me Evvie?” Justin wakes me from my daydream. I’ve no idea how long he’s been standing in front of me, arms firm across his chest. His usual well-groomed facial hair looking tatty and long, he very rarely has his hair out of its bun but today is ragged and scruffy looking.

  “What did you say?” I ask him with a confused look. Honestly, I didn’t hear a word he said to me.

  “God, you are such a daydreamer! I said lover boy gone home now?” He pushes my legs off the sofa throwing the cushion at me laughing and takes a seat next to me. I feel like it’s been a lifetime since it was just the two of us, him being a jerk and pissing me off with his smart-ass remarks.

  Pulling my legs back up, I slam them down across his knee, not hard enough to hurt him but enough to warn him not to push it with me. “You need a haircut!” I change the subject on purpose.

  Pulling his hair back into his usual bun, he sticks his tongue out at me. “No, honestly sis, Marcus is a top guy…”

  “But?” I roll my eyes at him waiting for the big brother talk.

  He holds his hand in the air in defence. “No but, I like him being around…. Puts my mind at ease knowing you’re safe with him…. just you two seem to be spending all your time together. Not that I don’t like him…just.”

  “Oh, you’re such a dick. That’s just another way of saying but! I can take care of myself, you know, Justin! Not all my judgements are shit.” I give him the shittiest look I can.

  “Really? Want to tell yourself that with a little more confidence? All I’m saying is just take your time and be careful this time.”

  I let out a sigh. “I know what you’re saying, but is it so wrong to want a bit of fun for a change? In two years, how many times have you seen me enjoy someone else’s company?”

  Justin places his hand across his heart, acting as though I hurt his feelings.

  “Except yours, of course! That would just be wrong on so many levels if I had THAT kind of fun with you!” I burst out laughing as his jaw drops to the floor.

  He stands up, walking off into the kitchen. “Ok, that is way too much information and I really don’t need that image running round my head. It’s bad enough listening to the two of you!”

  “Well, don’t interfere in my sex life then!”

  I curl myself back up on the sofa while he fumbles around in the kitchen, making a drink.

  “And is that all it is?” He places two cups of coffee on the table and moves my feet over once again. “Just sex?”

  I pretend I didn’t hear him, checking through my phone instead.

  “It’s more than that, isn’t it?” He tries to tickle under my arms, but I keep them firm to my side, not answering. “Have you got feelings for the shark diving Marcus?”

  I jump up from the sofa, rushing to get away from him. “Fuck off Justin!” I blurt out sitting on the chair opposite.

  “Does he know about…?” He crosses one leg over the other and stretches his arm across the back of the sofa. This is exactly why I didn’t want to talk to him about Marcus.

  “A little.” It’s true apart from our first night together I haven’t shared anymore of my past with him. I’m not ready to create that dark cloud over our heads.

  “I know you’re hiding shit Evvie. You think I don’t know there is more than you told me? I don’t say anything because it’s too hard for you to talk about it, but you can’t carry on living with this fucking shadow over your head all the time.” His honest out
burst shocks me a little, and I’m taken aback.

  “Justin….”

  “You don’t need to say anything to me, Evvie. If you don’t feel like you can, then I won’t push you to. Why do you think I haven’t said anything until now?”

  I play with the stray thread of cotton on my t-shirt for a moment. “It’s not that I didn’t feel I could tell you…. it’s just that….”

  “I get it, Evvie. Some things were too bad to tell me. I mean, I wanted to kill that fucker when you turned up here that night! And I’m being deadly serious. If he came close to me tomorrow, I wouldn’t hesitate. I understand you had to keep things to yourself, but all I’m saying is if you’ve found someone you can open up to fully…. Then you should.”

  Wow, my brother, the man of wise words. I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone I can share my past with, not fully, but then can I ever be with someone properly if I have these secrets hanging over my shoulders. Marcus already began knocking the wall down, I build up inside, how long until it all comes crumbling down.

  “You’re telling me to pour my heart out to someone I only just met?” I question his comment, when really, I’m asking for advice.

  He stands up and walking towards me he kisses me on the forehead. “That’s exactly what I’m telling you to do…. Marcus is one of the good ones, I can see it every time you two are together and if you feel like, you can open up to him, then you should.” He places his hand on my shoulder supportively.

  I give him a smile before he walks off down the hall to his room.

  I rest my head back, staring up at the ceiling, searching for the answers to the questions, looking for clarity to where my life is going. I take a deep breath and let my mind drift.

  I spent so much time dreaming of a better life and now my heart skips a beat with each message he sends me, I can’t help but smile when I picture his face. I hated that he had to leave earlier; I wanted to spend the day curled up in his arms. It gives me Goosebumps that he will be waiting for me to finish work tonight and taking me back to his place. Each night I go to work the same excitement builds up knowing he will be waiting for me at the end of the night.